he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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