I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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