I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
