I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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