i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
