don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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