If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
