Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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