Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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