I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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