I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
