i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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