I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
