we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
