There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
