Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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