she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just high enough for therapy.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
