Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
