Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
