How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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