So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
