wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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