I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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