i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
