Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
