dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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