im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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