where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize
