Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
No more Irish car bombs ever.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
