the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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