I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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