He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
