i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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