Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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