how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
