she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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