As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
