My sheets look like a crime scene.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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