sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
