i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Alive.
So much puke
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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