Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Two words: blizzard sex
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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