He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
