I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
40s are totally the cure
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
