I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
