my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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