I am puke
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
