So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
