My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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