Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
