and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
