I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
