People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
