my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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