So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
