I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
