then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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