we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
