I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
