apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
