my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
