He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
