I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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