Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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