Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
