did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
