I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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