i love accidental penises.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize