So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
