Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
