Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
