Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
