At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
