Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
