I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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