Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
