well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
There are leaves in my underwear?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
