Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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