Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
