i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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