We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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